what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
