Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
