i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
