In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
