I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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