I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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