I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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