She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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