I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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