Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
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the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
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Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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