My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
