Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Holy shit dude........stairs
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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