I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
