I want to make a zoo with you.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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