it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
