I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
