we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
