dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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