i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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