The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
