I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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