I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
