woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You pole danced in your parka.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
