hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
