I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
try to milk me bitch
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