Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
