I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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