I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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