I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize