I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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