is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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