Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
