you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
