I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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