I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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