Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
