I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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