You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize