i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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