I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
