I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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