the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
