Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
