I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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