i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
