Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
