they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
