Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
