Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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