Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
