tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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