if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
