HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
