the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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