Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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