she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do you still have your period?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
