I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
