You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
