Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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