Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
