i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
