wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
