There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
