My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
