fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
