Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
