That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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