Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
