I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
is wine microwaveable?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
