It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
