the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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