Sponge bath it is.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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