I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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