i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
