would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Let's get the cat blown out
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
