My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
