I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
