You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
