He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
