Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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