You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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