Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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