Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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