Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
