I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
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It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
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Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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