Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
