I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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