I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
