You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
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