that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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